Navigating Unforgiveness
One of the hardest moments in life is when we stand at a crossroads and need to make a choice, even as we are bruised from fresh wounds we desperately tried to dodge. We stand hunched over before the Lord as the ache sets in. Did that loved one really just do that to us? Did that person really just betray our trust?
The bruise becomes more pronounced as the days pass, the grief spreading from our heart following the same patterns of broken capillaries under our skin like a written reply to the casual cruelty brought on by the brokenness of another.
“How could they, God?” The question easily comes to mind.
How could they use you? Hurt you? Leave you?
“Forgive them.” He whispers.
But why? Why forgive?
In the face of pain and wrongs committed against us—and forgiveness—we are reminded of Jesus’ parable of the unmerciful servant (Matt Ch 18)—where the master canceled a debt impossible for the first servant to pay, and set him free. That same servant turned around and did not offer that same mercy to another servant that owed a very small debt to them. Instead, the second servant was thrown in prison by the first. When the master found out, the second was set free and the first thrown in to be tortured until his unplayable debt was paid off. Jesus warns us that is how God will respond to us, should we choose not to forgive.
We know this parable raises a lot of questions for people regarding forgiveness. On a different day, we will dive into some of that, right now we want to focus on why forgiveness is such a core part of God’s heart. (You can also rewatch our series about salvation on our YouTube channel here.) It sounds like dramatic leap, but truly, the bondage that unforgiveness will place around our lives should we choose not to forgive those who wrong us can be just as bad as being thrown into a prison. In choosing not to forgive, we lock ourselves into a painful distance from God when we need Him the most.
There is fruit we bear whether we choose to forgive or not:
The fruit of unforgiveness is:
bitterness
anger
continuing broken cycles that hurt us in the first place, and likely hurting other people from our own pain.
Distance from God
The fruit of forgiveness is:
peace, joy, love
Breaking cycles of brokenness and stepping into freedom and righteousness
closeness with God
Looking through God’s eyes—forgiveness means refusing to join the devil in accusing others, and instead giving them to God.
What fruit are you bearing in your life today?
What fruit do you want to bear?
We think the deepest revelation of God’s love and freedom with Him is reached when we explore forgiveness. To forgive is to experience a holy, healing salve poured over even the deepest cuts of betrayal as we release those that hurt us to the Lord for Him to deal with.
It’s easy to paint people as depraved monsters in our story and only see their transgressions. Don’t get caught in that mindset. When we take a moment to truly to look at the person that dug a knife into our heart and instead of seeing them as the enemy in our story, we can choose to look beyond our own pain and see their brokenness that drives them to their actions. Brokenness is never an excuse, but seeing them as human can pull the wind from our sails and soften the burning anger and bitterness.
In the same way, seeing their fragile humanity easily reminds us of our own. While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. We don’t forgive because we are naturally loving and forgiving people, we forgive because we’ve been loved and forgiven. (Ephesians 4:32/Colossians 3:13)
In every moment that we have chosen to grieve God’s heart, His love conquered everything and opens the path for our freedom.
God. Loves. Us.
Unconditionally.
Unforgiveness is a poison that slowly encases you in bondage and destroys precious parts of your heart, leaving your wounds to fester and never heal. If there is someone you need to forgive, we want to encourage you to choose to do so, today, and to be free from the heartache that comes with unforgiveness.
We aren’t asking you to allow the people into your life as if nothing happened—we are encouraging you to place them back where they should be—in God’s hands, for Him to deal with.
Choose love. Choose freedom.
Do not allow unforgiveness to take the throne of your heart and become the lens you view your life from. Be free, friend, and be healed through forgiveness. It’s a daily process, but you have the hope and opportunity to start today.
If you want to forgive someone today, here’s a prayer you can follow:
Dear Jesus,
I’m so thankful take this moment and remember all the ways you have blessed me and loved me. You have been with me through heavy and painful seasons and seasons of joy.
Today, my heart feels bruised and my grief runs deep. I know You see the callous words that stomped on my heart and the thoughtless actions against me that leave me wanting to react in anger and find retribution for the hurt I didn’t deserve. I don’t even know if they’re sorry.
I don’t think they deserve my forgiveness, Jesus, but I remember that I didn’t deserve Yours, either. When I was rebellious and living in sin, You saved me. You poured grace upon me and redeemed me. You forgave the unforgivable.
I love You, Jesus. I love you more than I love the idea of gaining retribution or the bitterness that wants to take root in my heart. I love you and I don’t want to let my own woundedness stop all the goodness You bring. I know nothing is wasted with You, not even my pain.
I know that Your love is kind and selfless. It keeps no record of wrongs.
Your love forgives.
So in love, Jesus, I forgive _____. I release them into Your hands. I release Your grace over them and I pray that they are radically changed by the entirety of Your love the way You did, me. I pray that they would know freedom and growth in their life.
In Your Name,
Amen.
“Then Peter came to Him and asked, “Lord, how many times will my brother sin against me and I forgive him and let it go? Up to seven times?” Jesus answered him, “I say to you, not up to seven times, but seventy times seven.”
Matthew 18:21-22 AMP
